Oh well. I'm really out control these past days ever since everyone left just this week. You see, I'm still awake at 1am and not doing ANYTHING productive. As in! And today/tonight, which is my fourth day of being a nocturnal, I am tired of being awake at this hour at dawn but still, I won't sleep. I'm a bit tired of this kind of lifestyle for the past 3 straight days yet I'm not stopping. So pathetic. And to think I have no one to wait for or nothing to be interested in for the moment. How can I be this stubborn and act like a garbage. I feel useless. I'm so not into the right direction. I've been like this since Tuesday and during my 3rd day which was my longest stay of crumpling myself(4am), I feel so sick. During my first late stay at night, I fell excited and alive! But later on, I thought I super lack sleep already. I wouldn't wonder anymore if there will come a time when I will be anemic soon. This is so not me. I just keep on telling things to myself to stop this act but I'm not doing anything to cease the problem. AAAAHHHHHHGGGGGG. This is the problem. I don't know why I'm still typing here when I must be trying to finish the blog, post it, and then close the window and then turn off the computer. BUT again, still, here I am, still holding on..(KA mode?) LOL. Anyway, yeah, why am I still on?
OK, I'm now stopping.. slooooowwwwllly.. thinking of what to do next.. ok, I've decided.. I'll log out already after I post this.
And then what? I don't know still. Maybe, I'll still be thinking for my next move. Anyway, wish me luck.
Goodnight.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
the random trial, our trial.
HEEEEY!
After a long while, I'm back with a new post, and it's going to be soooo random. I just want to blog here cause it's barely quiet here, and I like it, and only a few knows that I have a blogspot. So uhmmm..
Everything that has happened to me lately was different, well almost everything yeah. Especially during my Granny's stay here in Davao due to her illness. It's called aortic aneurysm, and as per definition is a general term for any swelling (dilatation or aneurysm) of the aorta, usually representing an underlying weakness in the wall of the aorta at that location. While the stretched vessel may occasionally cause discomfort, a greater concern is the risk of rupture, which causes severe pain; massive internal hemorrhage; and, without prompt treatment, results in a quick death (Wikipedia, 2009).
Well, this illness is something that struck me, especially that it's pained my Lola and us as well, since we are her closest relative, her only family left, my mom, specifically. Anytime, sooner or later, Lola will be gone. What a real world. I thought that could only happen in the movies or in the TV soap operas I tend to watch sometimes. But time has come to tell us that it could possibly happen to anyone, even if that anyone means your relative, a close one. *BIG sigh..
Sometimes, I want to pour out everything how I feel about the situation. However, I still wonder how my mom still manages to be strong. I know. It's because she's getting strength from HIM, there up above us. And next to that factor is that, actually, Lola had been hard-headed also before, causing her to feel the consequence right now. Mom has done everything for Lola to follow but..yeah..
It's hard to say something like, DEATH you know but.. there will come a time for her that she'd be finishing her race.....
It's a sad thing.
But later, after being admitted twice in the hospital, I think she's feeling better now, she can eat better, talk a bit, smile super slightly, brush her teeth while on the bed. At least she can do those, a bit normal unlike those times in the hospital and those times at home that she would only drink water and eat food by sipping in a straw. At least.
Now, even if we know that it's not going to take a long time anymore, well..sometimes, I become nervous and afraid, but there are also times that I prepare myself for whatever to happen and accept everything.
We are still showing how much we love her by telling her that we do, kiss her, entertain her, talk to her with charming faces, comb her hair, helping our watcher in taking care of her, etc. :)
I always believe in GOD and the miracles He does for us. And a miracle can happen anytime to anyone. I would be grateful to HIM if He ever..ever.. give my lola a longer time with us. Anyhow, I still am thankful. And I love my Lola Gertrudes. We love her. :)
After a long while, I'm back with a new post, and it's going to be soooo random. I just want to blog here cause it's barely quiet here, and I like it, and only a few knows that I have a blogspot. So uhmmm..
Everything that has happened to me lately was different, well almost everything yeah. Especially during my Granny's stay here in Davao due to her illness. It's called aortic aneurysm, and as per definition is a general term for any swelling (dilatation or aneurysm) of the aorta, usually representing an underlying weakness in the wall of the aorta at that location. While the stretched vessel may occasionally cause discomfort, a greater concern is the risk of rupture, which causes severe pain; massive internal hemorrhage; and, without prompt treatment, results in a quick death (Wikipedia, 2009).
Well, this illness is something that struck me, especially that it's pained my Lola and us as well, since we are her closest relative, her only family left, my mom, specifically. Anytime, sooner or later, Lola will be gone. What a real world. I thought that could only happen in the movies or in the TV soap operas I tend to watch sometimes. But time has come to tell us that it could possibly happen to anyone, even if that anyone means your relative, a close one. *BIG sigh..
Sometimes, I want to pour out everything how I feel about the situation. However, I still wonder how my mom still manages to be strong. I know. It's because she's getting strength from HIM, there up above us. And next to that factor is that, actually, Lola had been hard-headed also before, causing her to feel the consequence right now. Mom has done everything for Lola to follow but..yeah..
It's hard to say something like, DEATH you know but.. there will come a time for her that she'd be finishing her race.....
It's a sad thing.
But later, after being admitted twice in the hospital, I think she's feeling better now, she can eat better, talk a bit, smile super slightly, brush her teeth while on the bed. At least she can do those, a bit normal unlike those times in the hospital and those times at home that she would only drink water and eat food by sipping in a straw. At least.
Now, even if we know that it's not going to take a long time anymore, well..sometimes, I become nervous and afraid, but there are also times that I prepare myself for whatever to happen and accept everything.
We are still showing how much we love her by telling her that we do, kiss her, entertain her, talk to her with charming faces, comb her hair, helping our watcher in taking care of her, etc. :)
I always believe in GOD and the miracles He does for us. And a miracle can happen anytime to anyone. I would be grateful to HIM if He ever..ever.. give my lola a longer time with us. Anyhow, I still am thankful. And I love my Lola Gertrudes. We love her. :)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
zausteddd.
it's a king of hassle when i already wrote in my day's life/less story in one web blog/site and then i have to make a copy of it and post them to my other sites. heyyy.. i don't like that. hahaha. so i decided -- really did to stop blogging here [temporarily -- for the sake of beauty rest] and focus on multiply. [hahah, sorry google] but i'm not saying i'm gonna abandon this site for 48 years. let's just say, i'm a constant visitor of this network. blog once in a blue moon, update, add/change themes and stuff..
and finalllyy..
to link in my "better" world, here's my MULTiPLY
thanks guys! :)
and finalllyy..
to link in my "better" world, here's my MULTiPLY
thanks guys! :)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE [this week's theme]
*sigh**sigh**sigh*
look, i just gave lots of sighs for this weeks specifically today. haha! wanna know why? well, i just can't believe how stress-free i am now after the two-month long strenuous activities and school works, projects, presentations, science camp, SIP, year level contests [uhh, well atleast we joined, and everyone did their part] and we usually didn't win, though..but hey, weren't the efforts and lessons learned more important than being winners all the time?*sarcastic smile* haha, u read it right, sometimes, we jsut have to give chances to others. haha! kidding aside, it wasn't really our time to shine in all the class/ group contests we've joined. also, we are those seniors whose confidence are brought up at its peak--last minute people, that, i'm totally sure of. so, what do you expect? to do lots of changes on the eleventh hour it is. "crammming" and then some, i think had already reached their boiling points and then just bursted out.
but now, everything's back into basic. i've been relaxing myself lately, trying to rejuvenate while connecting back to the proper routine of my school life, to live, to love and to laugh and to learn without worrying too much of other activities. =]
see, i'm just this glad to review the past happenings of my life this school year and share it to you, here. and yeah, i'm now on my very normal mood.
look, i just gave lots of sighs for this weeks specifically today. haha! wanna know why? well, i just can't believe how stress-free i am now after the two-month long strenuous activities and school works, projects, presentations, science camp, SIP, year level contests [uhh, well atleast we joined, and everyone did their part] and we usually didn't win, though..but hey, weren't the efforts and lessons learned more important than being winners all the time?*sarcastic smile* haha, u read it right, sometimes, we jsut have to give chances to others. haha! kidding aside, it wasn't really our time to shine in all the class/ group contests we've joined. also, we are those seniors whose confidence are brought up at its peak--last minute people, that, i'm totally sure of. so, what do you expect? to do lots of changes on the eleventh hour it is. "crammming" and then some, i think had already reached their boiling points and then just bursted out.
but now, everything's back into basic. i've been relaxing myself lately, trying to rejuvenate while connecting back to the proper routine of my school life, to live, to love and to laugh and to learn without worrying too much of other activities. =]
see, i'm just this glad to review the past happenings of my life this school year and share it to you, here. and yeah, i'm now on my very normal mood.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
HUNGRY
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